Otto Octavius's Personal Journal
by C4bl3Fl4m3
Summary: Journal entries written from Ramos!Ock's point of view. Highly influenced by my time in France. Originally published on dA as OO Journal: July 8, 2005 & OO Journal: July 14, 2005. I haven't written for this since then. I don't think I'm going to.
1. July 8, 2005

And so I needed a break. 

Yes, sometimes even the great Otto Octavius needs a break. I'm not as young as I used to be, as I was when all of this started, and even though I truly do believe I'm in the prime of my life, of my career as an independent scientific researcher and amateur arachnid exterminator, sometimes my mind longs for peace and quiet, for an easier life, one where I can go into the streets unrecognized.

And so I took "my" passport and some money from a recent venture and I bought my ticket and I boarded a plane to France, to join a friend who had already transversed the ocean and another who is a native.

I have wandered the Champs-Elysee, taken a midnight swim in Verdun, and eaten more cheese in 3 weeks than I had in 3 months in America.

The villages are charming, the streets tiny and quaint, the architecture amazing. America can't even compare to Europe, truly.

How wonderful it is to wake up to the birds singing and to wander down to the boulangerie for my breakfast. I don't have to worry about being discovered here... the only thing I have to worry about is "coffee or tea?"... and where I'm going to go to get my coat let out so I can fit into it again. If this keeps up, I may have to go back to my green spandex suits when I go home.

... if I go home.

I don't believe I'm ready to retire yet, but a life without The Bug is quite enticing. A life of research and of the simple pleasures in life: eating excellent cuisine, drinking fine wine, perhaps a little gardening here, a little painting there, a bicycle ride with friends every now and then, and, of course, making sweet passionate love.

I have a friend over here... a native of Metz... who is a dead ringer for my dear Angelina. Unlike Angelina, however, she is sharp, cunning, intelligent... very much her own woman. We have been cohabitating for the past 3 weeks... and some 3 weeks they have been.

I had forgotten what it was like to constantly give and receive affection... I had forgotten how good it feels. Even though she doesn't have much experience at the art of passion (as if I am a master!), she is willing and eager and quite good nonetheless.

Not to mention a good cook.

In all honesty, I am quite unwilling to leave her. She makes me happy. Hell, this entire vacation has done nothing but put me at peace, remind me how good life can be, and contribute to weight gain and a possible coronary attack.

We are scheduled to travel to Toulouse tomorrow, and then to the Mediterranean Sea. I look forward to trying to local cuisine and seeing the sights.

My only regret is waiting so long to have traveled to Europe for the first time!


	2. July 14, 2005

As I travel along the French countryside, I look out the window at the passing fields. Acres and acres of vineyards... grapes being grown like a crop, like corn or wheat or soybeans. it seems that all of the south of the country is like this... oh, so different from the city that I make my home.

I return to the States on Wednesday. A week from now. I will be sad to go, but glad to be back in a land where my native tongue is spoken. I'm actually not sure how I feel about going back to my usual life. I have become so relaxed over here; lazy even. But when the wine is good and the food is even better and the sun shines down warm on your face, how can you not give in to its calming qualities.

But I am Otto Octavius, I have a job to do, a purpose in life. I am a brilliant scientist and inventor, I am the Master of the Atom, and I am Spider-Man's greatest foe, his worse nightmare. It is my place and my place alone to expose him, to uncover him, to take off his mask and let all the world see the little twerp that is their hero.

And, yet, part of me asks, is that important? If he's no threat to me, should I still care about being a threat to him? Should I give him the honor of caring about his life when he no longer cares about my own?

I have been gone for a month now. I told only a few close friends where I would be. Certainly he has searched for me by now, swinging from rooftop to rooftop, long, sleepless nights, searching for me, wondering what dastardly deed I would be up to next. Only lovers search for each other, seek each other out with the dedication and perserverence and, dare I say, passion, that the bitterest of enemies such as ourselves have and use.

At one point, I actually respected The Bug. I realize what he does. I recognize the sacrifices he makes. I know that his job is not easy, what with his other enemies, some of them my former (and perhaps future, though I doubt it) colleagues, let alone all the general thugs and miscreants of this insane city. I even saved his life once. But I have changed. I am a new man, a different man. Only time will tell if I am a better man.

Perhaps I can let him go. Move on with my life. He has been nothing but a thorn in my side, interfering with my plans since shortly after the accident. At first, I merely wanted him to let me live my life in peace. Then it was me wanting to make him pay for all the times he ruined my plans. But as of late it has been a pure bitter hatred for the man (if you can call him that), wanthing him exposed, ruined, dead.

Once I respected him.  
...once... I respected him.

Now I just want him dead.

Hmm.  
Perhaps I can go back to before. But, you know, they say you can never go back to before.

You can never go back to before.

-O. 


End file.
